i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
