You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize