you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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