just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
vagina is talking i cant
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
