I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
