Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
