I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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