dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
