I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
