its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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