I like my sex mixed with concussions.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
