Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
