You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize