walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
