i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
