connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
