Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize