he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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