I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
