She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
