So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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