He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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