If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
