If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
