My friends, they love my intelligence
well I can't set my house on fire every night
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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