Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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