We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
