return my video game
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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