About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
