my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize