my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
