im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I looked at my own cervix.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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