can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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