I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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