Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
