Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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