Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
