I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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