I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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