hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
