Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
