Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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