Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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