Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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