I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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