I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize