Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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