remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize