I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
