That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
