And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
