It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
