So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
