So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
