I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
