My Higher Power is John Stamos
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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