Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
