so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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