She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
