Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize