I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize