You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
