So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
