and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
